Dear heart,
How do you know when you're ready to love again? Right now, it feels as though you're carrying hundreds of burdens inside of you. How do you know when someone is the right person? That you aren't missing out on someone? Take all the time you need to heal. I will be readily waiting to find my perfect match. Promise you'll let me know? Help me embrace those around me who have stayed through my constant crying. Those who ran to me when I couldn't even form words. They are the ones who truly matter right now. Time will heal all heart. I will be waiting. Help me pick the perfect person for me. (Refer to my last post if needed)
All my love to pick up your pieces,
Courtney
Monday, December 2, 2013
What I Deserve and More
I have come to realize in the past week that I definitely deserve more in the next relationship I am in. I shouldn't be the giver all the time. I deserve to be the receiver as well. Unfortunately for me, sometimes I do too much giving and it's hard for me to receive things. I need to change that. I need to keep in mind that I deserve to be "treated like a princess," as one of my best friends keeps reminding me. There is someone out there for everyone, I just need to find that perfect person. Who would my perfect person be you ask? Oh, let me tell you!
My perfect guy would be loyal, and trustworthy. I have had plenty of reasons to have trust issues in the past. Luckily, I have grown to realize that not every guy is an asshole.He would call me sometimes instead of texting me, especially when I hint that I miss their voice. It's just nice to actually have conversation than read texts all day. He will call me beautiful, and pretty, because I am in my own perfect way. My future love will make me laugh on the days that I won't want to laugh the most. He will want to cuddle when I am sad, and for no reason at all. He can come up behind me while I'm cooking and wrap his arms around me and kiss me on the cheek (hint, absolutely love that). Flowers? Heck yes. Lilies are my favorite. I also love Gerber daisy's. Most of all, I want my future love to make me a better person and I want to help them be a better person. Finding that someone that you can trust with your secrets and your entire life is scary, but its definitely worth the search.
I deserve to be treated well, and be loved for who I am. I am not a perfect girl, but if someone gives me the chance, I could be their perfect girl. Honestly, I'm looking for the guy who will tell his friends I am the one. If you're reading this years from now and you're married to me, congratulations! You survived and have my trust completely. Don't lose it, and please love me for who I am and be there for me when I need you the most.
"Love is when he gives you a piece of your soul, that you never knew was missing."- Torquato Tasso
My perfect guy would be loyal, and trustworthy. I have had plenty of reasons to have trust issues in the past. Luckily, I have grown to realize that not every guy is an asshole.He would call me sometimes instead of texting me, especially when I hint that I miss their voice. It's just nice to actually have conversation than read texts all day. He will call me beautiful, and pretty, because I am in my own perfect way. My future love will make me laugh on the days that I won't want to laugh the most. He will want to cuddle when I am sad, and for no reason at all. He can come up behind me while I'm cooking and wrap his arms around me and kiss me on the cheek (hint, absolutely love that). Flowers? Heck yes. Lilies are my favorite. I also love Gerber daisy's. Most of all, I want my future love to make me a better person and I want to help them be a better person. Finding that someone that you can trust with your secrets and your entire life is scary, but its definitely worth the search.
I deserve to be treated well, and be loved for who I am. I am not a perfect girl, but if someone gives me the chance, I could be their perfect girl. Honestly, I'm looking for the guy who will tell his friends I am the one. If you're reading this years from now and you're married to me, congratulations! You survived and have my trust completely. Don't lose it, and please love me for who I am and be there for me when I need you the most.
"Love is when he gives you a piece of your soul, that you never knew was missing."- Torquato Tasso
Tuesday, November 26, 2013
How do you know?
How do you know who is going to be your soulmate in life? How do you know who the right person is for you? These are two of many questions running through my mind right now.
I've decided to tell my now ex boyfriend that I cannot communicate with him until after the holidays. Why? Because I'm hurt. More than I am letting on to be. Talking to him just gives me hope that something will change his mind. That maybe he will believe that he made a mistake and beg me to come back. I cannot go on like this. I need to learn to live on my own. Find myself, and who I. Want to be. I need to remember who I was before dating him. What I wanted out of life and what I want in a future relationship with someone else. It may take me a lot of time to figure that out, but it's what is necessary.
First of all. Who was I before? I was a delicate, quiet person to strangers, and a loving friend to many. How did I change? I became able to trust men because of my ex. He helped me become more confident with my personality and in my body. I'm not afraid to stand up for myself anymore as I was before. I want to continue developing these traits as I grow older.
What am I looking for? An honest, chivalrous, sweet, kind, patient guy who will give me 110% of his love and attention. I deserve the best, and I should settle for no less. In the words of a close friend, we deserve to be treated as princesses, and she is absolutely right. Some day, my knight in shining armor will come clanging to my rescue when I least expect it. Hopefully, sooner than later, but I cannot rush true love.
My next few posts may be less uplifting, but who knows. I have got to take each day as it comes. If you're reading this and you're a close friend of mine who has been there for me all week, thank you. You're amazing, and I couldn't have gotten through this without you.
I've decided to tell my now ex boyfriend that I cannot communicate with him until after the holidays. Why? Because I'm hurt. More than I am letting on to be. Talking to him just gives me hope that something will change his mind. That maybe he will believe that he made a mistake and beg me to come back. I cannot go on like this. I need to learn to live on my own. Find myself, and who I. Want to be. I need to remember who I was before dating him. What I wanted out of life and what I want in a future relationship with someone else. It may take me a lot of time to figure that out, but it's what is necessary.
First of all. Who was I before? I was a delicate, quiet person to strangers, and a loving friend to many. How did I change? I became able to trust men because of my ex. He helped me become more confident with my personality and in my body. I'm not afraid to stand up for myself anymore as I was before. I want to continue developing these traits as I grow older.
What am I looking for? An honest, chivalrous, sweet, kind, patient guy who will give me 110% of his love and attention. I deserve the best, and I should settle for no less. In the words of a close friend, we deserve to be treated as princesses, and she is absolutely right. Some day, my knight in shining armor will come clanging to my rescue when I least expect it. Hopefully, sooner than later, but I cannot rush true love.
My next few posts may be less uplifting, but who knows. I have got to take each day as it comes. If you're reading this and you're a close friend of mine who has been there for me all week, thank you. You're amazing, and I couldn't have gotten through this without you.
Monday, November 25, 2013
Moving on is tough, but necessary
So I realize I haven't been on here in well over a year. A lot has happened since then. For starters, my boyfriend of two years and I recently broke up. He decided he didn't see a future with me. Am I angry? Of course I am. I loved that man with everything I had. I would never ask someone to be with me if they weren't happy though. It's not worth it. Some day, I will find someone who treats me like a princess. Who is patient, kind, chivalrous, and can't go a day without me. He will put in 110% to our relationship. I cannot wait for that day to come. But for now, I need to grieve. For the next few day sum you might hear me wallow in self pity. It's okay. It's necessary. It's definitely okay to cry, and be upset. I've learned a lot and grown up so much in the past two years.
For now, this is goodbye. I will type tomorrow. I think it will be good for helping myself recover from a broken heart.
For now, this is goodbye. I will type tomorrow. I think it will be good for helping myself recover from a broken heart.
Friday, April 15, 2011
*sigh*
dont you hate being lied to?? i feel like whenever i finally find i can trust a friend or someone else they lie and ruin it. i hate opening up to people because every time i do i get lied to. and it really hurts! so i decided to write i poem if you will about it its rough but it really helped take the anger out of me... enjoy...
You know what’s funny
is how every time
I decide
to open my eyes
and believe
somebody may care for me
they turn around and start to lie
and it makes me wonder why
I fall for it every time
why is it always me they find
I never asked for this life
yet I get trapped all the time
I fall for the wrong people
they always drag me down
and I end up with this feeling
that I’m always going to drown
and never find the light
the person to make things right
how can I ever open up my heart
if things never worked out from the start
how can I ever believe
somebody out there is for me?
You know what’s funny
is how every time
I decide
to open my eyes
and believe
somebody may care for me
they turn around and start to lie
and it makes me wonder why
I fall for it every time
why is it always me they find
I never asked for this life
yet I get trapped all the time
I fall for the wrong people
they always drag me down
and I end up with this feeling
that I’m always going to drown
and never find the light
the person to make things right
how can I ever open up my heart
if things never worked out from the start
how can I ever believe
somebody out there is for me?
happy note
wow..havent been on here in a LONG time. to date my weight loss has reached 15 pounds total and i reached by 5% goal last tuesday which is EXCITING! and since ive been so down in the dumps about myself i decided to make a list of 100 things i love about myself to keep me motivated and find the real things i love about myself i never see. I got it from another blog a read but here it goes!
100 things I LOVE about myself
100. I laugh all the time
99. I’m a caring person
98. I’m BEAUTIFUL
97. I’m helpful
96. I have the best brothers in the world
95. My mom is the best
94. I’m a good listener
93. I have great friends
92. I try my hardest at everything I do
91. My work family is the best in the world
90. I can’t go a day without chocolate
89. I work out instead of eat when I’m stressed or hurt
88. I’m clumsy, and that’s okay
87. I love making people smile
86. I smile more than the legal amount a day
85. I’m an amazing photographer
84. When I love, I love with everything in me
83. I’m a giving person
82. I still sleep with stuffed animals
81. I sleep with a million covers on no matter the weather
80. I dance- with my own skill, not prettily but I try
79. I sing in the shower every time, and I suck but I don’t care
78. If I see a stray animal I HAVE to help it
77. I’m good with kids
76. I crack up when people get hurt, and I can’t help that
75. I’m artistic
74. I write well
73. I have a good imagination
72. I love Disney movies
71. Finding Nemo is my favorite movie, and I don’t care who knows it
70. I’m a hopeless romantic and maybe someday, it will happen for me
69. I’ve seen the Jonas Brothers 6 times in concert, better every time
68. I met Nick Jonas, one of the best days of my life
67. Demi Lovato is my idol, and meeting her was amazing
66. I don’t hold my emotions inside me
65. I will do anything to make someone laugh
64. I cry watching Romantic movies
63. I’m shy, but once I get to know someone I let them in
62. The ups and downs in my life have only made me stronger
61. I have almost fully escaped my past and I refuse to look back
60. I hate opening up to people sometimes because I get attached easily
59. Even though I’m afraid of getting my heart broken I still put myself out there every single time
58. I’m disorganized, and I like it that way
57. I drive well
56. When I get an idea in my head I try my hardest to follow through with it
55. I love to volunteer, and help others
54. I am an amazing horseback rider
53. I love roller coasters
52. I take risks when possible and when I’m comfortable
51. I took a risk to parasail and LOVED IT
50. I love to travel
49. Although people told me I couldn’t do it, I’m in college proving them wrong
48. I’m losing weight and trying to get healthy for ME
47. I’m a Christmas Eve baby
46. I love giving presents randomly
45. I LOVE surprising people I love
44. Though broken and scared, I never give up
43. Shopping is one of my best therapies
42. College has opened up new doors for me
41. I LOVE the gay community
40. I laugh when I’m nervous
39. I live outside in the summer
38. I’m good with special needs kids
37. My autistic brother inspired my major, and I love him for that
36. People put me down, it may crack me at first but it makes me stronger
35. Music makes my day
34. I could read all day
33. I’m an amazing cook/ baker
32. I’m good at making YouTube videos that make me look like a fool
31. I’m a prankster, and good at it
30. I run through the rain like a little kid
29. I will make a good wife in the future
28. My eyes change color depending on what I wear
27. I chew my nails when I’m nervous
26. The Jonas brothers are my favorite band IN.THE.WORLD
25. I fight with all I have in me
24. I have patience
23. I separate myself from those who do me wrong
22. I can’t hurt people
21. I’m reliable
20. I’m sarcastic
19. Heck, I look FABULOUS in glasses
18. I LOVE to color
17. Disney Channel is THE BOMB
16. I’m left handed
15. Laughter is my favorite sound in the world
14. I give great advice
13. I love to watch the sunset
12. Thunderstorms, though beautiful, scare me
11. I can type FAST
10. My calves look amazing in heels
09. I have great manners
08. I have a huge heart
07. I push myself past my limit
06. I always keep my promises
05. I have great guest relation skills at work
04. I live to make people laugh
03. Laughter is my favorite sound in the world
02. I always help those in need
01. I’m the greatest person I will ever be. MYSELF. And proud of it.
99. I’m a caring person
98. I’m BEAUTIFUL
97. I’m helpful
96. I have the best brothers in the world
95. My mom is the best
94. I’m a good listener
93. I have great friends
92. I try my hardest at everything I do
91. My work family is the best in the world
90. I can’t go a day without chocolate
89. I work out instead of eat when I’m stressed or hurt
88. I’m clumsy, and that’s okay
87. I love making people smile
86. I smile more than the legal amount a day
85. I’m an amazing photographer
84. When I love, I love with everything in me
83. I’m a giving person
82. I still sleep with stuffed animals
81. I sleep with a million covers on no matter the weather
80. I dance- with my own skill, not prettily but I try
79. I sing in the shower every time, and I suck but I don’t care
78. If I see a stray animal I HAVE to help it
77. I’m good with kids
76. I crack up when people get hurt, and I can’t help that
75. I’m artistic
74. I write well
73. I have a good imagination
72. I love Disney movies
71. Finding Nemo is my favorite movie, and I don’t care who knows it
70. I’m a hopeless romantic and maybe someday, it will happen for me
69. I’ve seen the Jonas Brothers 6 times in concert, better every time
68. I met Nick Jonas, one of the best days of my life
67. Demi Lovato is my idol, and meeting her was amazing
66. I don’t hold my emotions inside me
65. I will do anything to make someone laugh
64. I cry watching Romantic movies
63. I’m shy, but once I get to know someone I let them in
62. The ups and downs in my life have only made me stronger
61. I have almost fully escaped my past and I refuse to look back
60. I hate opening up to people sometimes because I get attached easily
59. Even though I’m afraid of getting my heart broken I still put myself out there every single time
58. I’m disorganized, and I like it that way
57. I drive well
56. When I get an idea in my head I try my hardest to follow through with it
55. I love to volunteer, and help others
54. I am an amazing horseback rider
53. I love roller coasters
52. I take risks when possible and when I’m comfortable
51. I took a risk to parasail and LOVED IT
50. I love to travel
49. Although people told me I couldn’t do it, I’m in college proving them wrong
48. I’m losing weight and trying to get healthy for ME
47. I’m a Christmas Eve baby
46. I love giving presents randomly
45. I LOVE surprising people I love
44. Though broken and scared, I never give up
43. Shopping is one of my best therapies
42. College has opened up new doors for me
41. I LOVE the gay community
40. I laugh when I’m nervous
39. I live outside in the summer
38. I’m good with special needs kids
37. My autistic brother inspired my major, and I love him for that
36. People put me down, it may crack me at first but it makes me stronger
35. Music makes my day
34. I could read all day
33. I’m an amazing cook/ baker
32. I’m good at making YouTube videos that make me look like a fool
31. I’m a prankster, and good at it
30. I run through the rain like a little kid
29. I will make a good wife in the future
28. My eyes change color depending on what I wear
27. I chew my nails when I’m nervous
26. The Jonas brothers are my favorite band IN.THE.WORLD
25. I fight with all I have in me
24. I have patience
23. I separate myself from those who do me wrong
22. I can’t hurt people
21. I’m reliable
20. I’m sarcastic
19. Heck, I look FABULOUS in glasses
18. I LOVE to color
17. Disney Channel is THE BOMB
16. I’m left handed
15. Laughter is my favorite sound in the world
14. I give great advice
13. I love to watch the sunset
12. Thunderstorms, though beautiful, scare me
11. I can type FAST
10. My calves look amazing in heels
09. I have great manners
08. I have a huge heart
07. I push myself past my limit
06. I always keep my promises
05. I have great guest relation skills at work
04. I live to make people laugh
03. Laughter is my favorite sound in the world
02. I always help those in need
01. I’m the greatest person I will ever be. MYSELF. And proud of it.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Down in the Dumps...
had my weigh in yesterday...stayed that same weight.. i guess its better than a gain right? i was hoping to reach my 5% which is only 3 pounds away before my vacation to South Carolina starting Saturday. Im really nervous about my vacation... im hoping i dont blow it on vacation. im determined to keep up my diet until i get to my goal this time. i will not quit.
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