Dear heart,
How do you know when you're ready to love again? Right now, it feels as though you're carrying hundreds of burdens inside of you. How do you know when someone is the right person? That you aren't missing out on someone? Take all the time you need to heal. I will be readily waiting to find my perfect match. Promise you'll let me know? Help me embrace those around me who have stayed through my constant crying. Those who ran to me when I couldn't even form words. They are the ones who truly matter right now. Time will heal all heart. I will be waiting. Help me pick the perfect person for me. (Refer to my last post if needed)
All my love to pick up your pieces,
Courtney
Monday, December 2, 2013
What I Deserve and More
I have come to realize in the past week that I definitely deserve more in the next relationship I am in. I shouldn't be the giver all the time. I deserve to be the receiver as well. Unfortunately for me, sometimes I do too much giving and it's hard for me to receive things. I need to change that. I need to keep in mind that I deserve to be "treated like a princess," as one of my best friends keeps reminding me. There is someone out there for everyone, I just need to find that perfect person. Who would my perfect person be you ask? Oh, let me tell you!
My perfect guy would be loyal, and trustworthy. I have had plenty of reasons to have trust issues in the past. Luckily, I have grown to realize that not every guy is an asshole.He would call me sometimes instead of texting me, especially when I hint that I miss their voice. It's just nice to actually have conversation than read texts all day. He will call me beautiful, and pretty, because I am in my own perfect way. My future love will make me laugh on the days that I won't want to laugh the most. He will want to cuddle when I am sad, and for no reason at all. He can come up behind me while I'm cooking and wrap his arms around me and kiss me on the cheek (hint, absolutely love that). Flowers? Heck yes. Lilies are my favorite. I also love Gerber daisy's. Most of all, I want my future love to make me a better person and I want to help them be a better person. Finding that someone that you can trust with your secrets and your entire life is scary, but its definitely worth the search.
I deserve to be treated well, and be loved for who I am. I am not a perfect girl, but if someone gives me the chance, I could be their perfect girl. Honestly, I'm looking for the guy who will tell his friends I am the one. If you're reading this years from now and you're married to me, congratulations! You survived and have my trust completely. Don't lose it, and please love me for who I am and be there for me when I need you the most.
"Love is when he gives you a piece of your soul, that you never knew was missing."- Torquato Tasso
My perfect guy would be loyal, and trustworthy. I have had plenty of reasons to have trust issues in the past. Luckily, I have grown to realize that not every guy is an asshole.He would call me sometimes instead of texting me, especially when I hint that I miss their voice. It's just nice to actually have conversation than read texts all day. He will call me beautiful, and pretty, because I am in my own perfect way. My future love will make me laugh on the days that I won't want to laugh the most. He will want to cuddle when I am sad, and for no reason at all. He can come up behind me while I'm cooking and wrap his arms around me and kiss me on the cheek (hint, absolutely love that). Flowers? Heck yes. Lilies are my favorite. I also love Gerber daisy's. Most of all, I want my future love to make me a better person and I want to help them be a better person. Finding that someone that you can trust with your secrets and your entire life is scary, but its definitely worth the search.
I deserve to be treated well, and be loved for who I am. I am not a perfect girl, but if someone gives me the chance, I could be their perfect girl. Honestly, I'm looking for the guy who will tell his friends I am the one. If you're reading this years from now and you're married to me, congratulations! You survived and have my trust completely. Don't lose it, and please love me for who I am and be there for me when I need you the most.
"Love is when he gives you a piece of your soul, that you never knew was missing."- Torquato Tasso
Tuesday, November 26, 2013
How do you know?
How do you know who is going to be your soulmate in life? How do you know who the right person is for you? These are two of many questions running through my mind right now.
I've decided to tell my now ex boyfriend that I cannot communicate with him until after the holidays. Why? Because I'm hurt. More than I am letting on to be. Talking to him just gives me hope that something will change his mind. That maybe he will believe that he made a mistake and beg me to come back. I cannot go on like this. I need to learn to live on my own. Find myself, and who I. Want to be. I need to remember who I was before dating him. What I wanted out of life and what I want in a future relationship with someone else. It may take me a lot of time to figure that out, but it's what is necessary.
First of all. Who was I before? I was a delicate, quiet person to strangers, and a loving friend to many. How did I change? I became able to trust men because of my ex. He helped me become more confident with my personality and in my body. I'm not afraid to stand up for myself anymore as I was before. I want to continue developing these traits as I grow older.
What am I looking for? An honest, chivalrous, sweet, kind, patient guy who will give me 110% of his love and attention. I deserve the best, and I should settle for no less. In the words of a close friend, we deserve to be treated as princesses, and she is absolutely right. Some day, my knight in shining armor will come clanging to my rescue when I least expect it. Hopefully, sooner than later, but I cannot rush true love.
My next few posts may be less uplifting, but who knows. I have got to take each day as it comes. If you're reading this and you're a close friend of mine who has been there for me all week, thank you. You're amazing, and I couldn't have gotten through this without you.
I've decided to tell my now ex boyfriend that I cannot communicate with him until after the holidays. Why? Because I'm hurt. More than I am letting on to be. Talking to him just gives me hope that something will change his mind. That maybe he will believe that he made a mistake and beg me to come back. I cannot go on like this. I need to learn to live on my own. Find myself, and who I. Want to be. I need to remember who I was before dating him. What I wanted out of life and what I want in a future relationship with someone else. It may take me a lot of time to figure that out, but it's what is necessary.
First of all. Who was I before? I was a delicate, quiet person to strangers, and a loving friend to many. How did I change? I became able to trust men because of my ex. He helped me become more confident with my personality and in my body. I'm not afraid to stand up for myself anymore as I was before. I want to continue developing these traits as I grow older.
What am I looking for? An honest, chivalrous, sweet, kind, patient guy who will give me 110% of his love and attention. I deserve the best, and I should settle for no less. In the words of a close friend, we deserve to be treated as princesses, and she is absolutely right. Some day, my knight in shining armor will come clanging to my rescue when I least expect it. Hopefully, sooner than later, but I cannot rush true love.
My next few posts may be less uplifting, but who knows. I have got to take each day as it comes. If you're reading this and you're a close friend of mine who has been there for me all week, thank you. You're amazing, and I couldn't have gotten through this without you.
Monday, November 25, 2013
Moving on is tough, but necessary
So I realize I haven't been on here in well over a year. A lot has happened since then. For starters, my boyfriend of two years and I recently broke up. He decided he didn't see a future with me. Am I angry? Of course I am. I loved that man with everything I had. I would never ask someone to be with me if they weren't happy though. It's not worth it. Some day, I will find someone who treats me like a princess. Who is patient, kind, chivalrous, and can't go a day without me. He will put in 110% to our relationship. I cannot wait for that day to come. But for now, I need to grieve. For the next few day sum you might hear me wallow in self pity. It's okay. It's necessary. It's definitely okay to cry, and be upset. I've learned a lot and grown up so much in the past two years.
For now, this is goodbye. I will type tomorrow. I think it will be good for helping myself recover from a broken heart.
For now, this is goodbye. I will type tomorrow. I think it will be good for helping myself recover from a broken heart.
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