Friday, April 15, 2011

*sigh*

dont you hate being lied to?? i feel like whenever i finally find i can trust a friend or someone else they lie and ruin it. i hate opening up to people because  every time i do i get lied to. and it really hurts! so i decided to write i poem if you will about it its rough but it really helped take the anger out of me... enjoy...
You know what’s funny
is how every time
I decide
to open my eyes
and believe
somebody may care for me
they turn around and start to lie
and it makes me wonder why
I fall for it every time
why is it always me they find
I never asked for this life
yet I get trapped all the time
I fall for the wrong people
they always drag me down
and I end up with this feeling
that I’m always going to drown
and never find the light
the person to make things right
how can I ever open up my heart
if things never worked out from the start
how can I ever believe
somebody out there is for me?

happy note

wow..havent been on here in a LONG time. to date my weight loss has reached 15 pounds total and i reached by 5% goal last tuesday which is EXCITING! and since ive been so down in the dumps about myself i decided to make a list of 100 things i love about myself to keep me motivated and find the real things i love about myself i never see. I got it from another blog a read but here it goes!

                100 things I LOVE about myself
100. I laugh all the time
99. I’m a caring person
98. I’m BEAUTIFUL
97. I’m helpful
96. I have the best brothers in the world
95. My mom is the best
94. I’m a good listener
93. I have great friends
92. I try my hardest at everything I do
91. My work family is the best in the world
90. I can’t go a day without chocolate
89. I work out instead of eat when I’m stressed or hurt
88. I’m clumsy, and that’s okay
87. I love making people smile
86. I smile more than the legal amount a day
85. I’m an amazing photographer
84. When I love, I love with everything in me
 83. I’m a giving person
82. I still sleep with stuffed animals
81. I sleep with a million covers on no matter the weather
80. I dance- with my own skill, not prettily but I try
79. I sing in the shower every time, and I suck but I don’t care
78. If I see a stray animal I HAVE to help it
77. I’m good with kids
76. I crack up when people get hurt, and I can’t help that
75. I’m artistic
74. I write well
73. I have a good imagination
72. I love Disney movies
71. Finding Nemo is my favorite movie, and I don’t care who knows it
70. I’m a hopeless romantic and maybe someday, it will happen for me
69. I’ve seen the Jonas Brothers 6 times in concert, better every time
68. I met Nick Jonas, one of the best days of my life
67. Demi Lovato is my idol, and meeting her was amazing
66. I don’t hold my emotions inside me
65. I will do anything to make someone laugh
64. I cry watching Romantic movies
63. I’m shy, but once I get to know someone I let them in
62. The ups and downs in my life have only made me stronger
61. I have almost fully escaped my past and I refuse to look back
60. I hate opening up to people sometimes because I get attached easily
59. Even though I’m afraid of getting my heart broken I still put myself out there every single time
58. I’m disorganized, and I like it that way
57. I drive well
56. When I get an idea in my head I try my hardest to follow through with it
55. I love to volunteer, and help others
54. I am an amazing horseback rider
53. I love roller coasters
52. I take risks when possible and when I’m comfortable
51. I took a risk to parasail and LOVED IT
50. I love to travel
49. Although people told me I couldn’t do it, I’m in college proving them wrong
48. I’m losing weight and trying to get healthy for ME
47. I’m a Christmas Eve baby
46. I love giving presents randomly
45. I LOVE surprising people I love
44. Though broken and scared, I never give up
43. Shopping is one of my best therapies
42. College has opened up new doors for me
41. I LOVE the gay community
40. I laugh when I’m nervous
39. I live outside in the summer
38. I’m good with special needs kids
37. My autistic brother inspired my major, and I love him for that
36. People put me down, it may crack me at first but it makes me stronger
35. Music makes my day
34. I could read all day
33. I’m an amazing cook/ baker
32. I’m good at making YouTube videos that make me look like a fool
31. I’m a prankster, and good at it
30. I run through the rain like a little kid
29. I will make a good wife in the future
28. My eyes change color depending on what I wear
27.  I chew my nails when I’m nervous
26. The Jonas brothers are my favorite band IN.THE.WORLD
25. I fight with all I have in me
24. I have patience
23. I separate myself from those who do me wrong
22. I can’t hurt people
21. I’m reliable
20. I’m sarcastic
19. Heck, I look FABULOUS in glasses
18. I LOVE to color
17. Disney Channel is THE BOMB
16.  I’m left handed
15. Laughter is my favorite sound in the world
14. I give great advice
13. I love to watch the sunset
12. Thunderstorms, though beautiful, scare me
11. I can type FAST
10. My calves look amazing in heels
09. I have great manners
08. I have a huge heart
07. I push myself past my limit
06. I always keep my promises
05. I have great guest relation skills at work
04. I live to make people laugh
03. Laughter is my favorite sound in the world
02. I always help those in need
01. I’m the greatest person I will ever be. MYSELF. And proud of it.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Down in the Dumps...

had my weigh in yesterday...stayed that same weight.. i guess its better than a gain right? i was hoping to reach my 5% which is only 3 pounds away before my vacation to South Carolina starting Saturday. Im really nervous about my vacation... im hoping i dont blow it on vacation. im determined to keep up my diet until i get to my goal this time. i will not quit.

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Rant Mode

feeling a bit down today... Went and met up with some amazing girls i went to school with in high school. i missed them so much! then i went to dinner, church and shopping with my neighbor. My mind couldn't escape how happy my friends from high school were though. They were all glowing with amazing stories about the crazy stuff they've done and the boys they've dated or gone out with and i feel extremely left out. Men aren't attracted to me it seems and I'm extremely shy. I feel like Ive hit that point in life where all of my friend are dating and I'm just the monkey in the middle, waiting to get out, but it feels like it will never come around. I'm hoping and praying that my life will turn around this summer. I need a break. So many things are occurring i cant take it anymore. Weight Watchers will turn things around, and hopefully make me happier and bring me out of my shell. I really need change to happen...keeping my head up as long as possible.
Love,
Courtney

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Amazing People Come in ALL Different Sizes

Have you ever noticed that kids with special needs always have smiles one their faces? I volunteer for the Project Search at University of Cincinnati and it always amazes me what these kids accomplish. Most of them have Autism, and Downs Syndrome and they are the most amazing people you will ever meet. They work hard, and have a great sense of humor. Just today one girl asked me " do cute boys talk to you?" i replied " uh...well not really..." she answered " WHY NOT?! you are so pretty!! i will make them talk to you!!" They see people for who they are, and not what they look like. Why can't society be like that? People are so judgmental about what people wear, or how they look. Kids with disabilities take you as you are. I LOVE that about them. I have spent so little time with them and they already accept me into their little group, which amazes me.
that was my little rant of the day :)
Love,Courtney

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Start of Blog= amazingness

first off i should probably provide you with a few facts about me.
Name: Courtney
Student at: University of Cincinnati
Age: 19
Birthday: December 24th 1991 ( yes being a Christmas baby does suck)
i work at Kings Island at the Racer, so come visit me sometime, and i also work at Manna Cupcake Cafe sometimes
i have two brothers Zach (15) ) far right*and Noah (12) *far left* Noah is Autistic and inspired me to study Special Education
Pets: Moose, labrador retriever puppy*middle*, 3 fish Sullivan Bon Que Que Michael Wazowski, Hitler, and
Sir Doofus

Hobbies: i love photography, i will later post some of my favorite pictures. Sports are my passion, softball, volleyball, wallyball LOVE THEM!
Im struggling with liking my own body, and I'm on my way to making things right. So far i have lost 9 pounds in 2 weeks and i expect to keep going.
Love,
Courtney
p.s. alpha and omega? very cute movie!